I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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