I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
