my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
