super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
