I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
