If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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