You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
