OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
