How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
