I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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