the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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