he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
