maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
