they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
