Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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