Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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