Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
