Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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