I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Houston, we have a squirter
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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