You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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