seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sober January is a disaster.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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