becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize