She is in my trunk
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
