Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
