I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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