not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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