the condom got lost in my hair
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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