you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
