I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
