8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
