Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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