We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
