...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
