the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
