I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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