Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
