I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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