Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
