He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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