Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
