if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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