you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
