why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
