Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
