I just threw up on my dentist
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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