I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
