Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
