I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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