I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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