is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
