I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
