Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
