Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
