how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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