i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
