Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize