i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
