You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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