You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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