I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
