Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
